Orange Butterfly

"The orange butterfly is believed to carry the message that there is life after death and that death is but a transformation like that of the butterfly."

Grieving a loved one is the most challenging. Long ago, when I lost a baby and then a parent, I never thought I would choose to work in grief in the future. We lose our loved ones, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends or grandparents. Still, sometimes it doesn't hit that hard because we are not aware of the significance of that relationship. As a child, we have been told that they are in a good place, and we don't understand what a good place means and why they have to leave us and go to that good place. Long story short, I do not have a more profound emotional attachment with who passed earlier than the first death I remember, and it's always in my thoughts when my best friend lost her parent one after another.

I can see that emptiness in her eyes, her craving for that warmth, and her loneliness. I always try to be with her in the ups and downs of her life. But I can not fill that void of losing both parents at that tender age.

Time passed a little more, and I sailed through my life. Then the first whirlpool of my life was when I lost my baby in late pregnancy; it was a shock. After that, I could not express my feelings and was pushed to live everyday life with the same sentence. She is in a good place, and as a parent, I think, what !! A good place … why and how …

Finding in my thoughts what I have missed, how this happened etc. I still feel I missed that grieving part or suffering inside. And again, when I lost my father, I still grieved him even after 17 years. Some days it feels like I am healed and accepted it. There are some days when I think it doesn't happen, that loss is still in the denial phase, and then there are days and times to relive the story or just like it happened yesterday.

But now I work with grief every other day: a new loss, a pang of guilt, a wave of anger, either delayed grief or just happened a few weeks back. I stay with them in their pain and longing and listen to their stories and grief. I tell them they do not have to follow a to-do list provided by society or religion on how to grieve and what to do.

Just live in the moment, a day at a time. It's never too late or too soon in grief. I learned how to respect and live my relationships to the fullest; I may have some regrets, but still, so many moments to cherish. Grief is the price we pay for our love, and it will never dim down or go away. It stays there. We just build a life around it brick by brick every day.

Orange butterfly

Flying around the sun

Orange butterfly

Flying through the sky

Orange butterfly

Touching me softly

Dance with me

Float with the wind

Fly with the birds

Come to my side

Just for a moment

Touch me softly

Dance with me

Float with the wind

Fly with the birds

Just for a moment

Before you say goodbye

by Zahra

A poem about Grief and Bereavement expressing Loss and Death

Art of saying ‘NO.’

 

You learned how heavy our mind’s workload is; thousands of thoughts run through our heads every hour. In our journey to build a happier brain, we must consciously generate more optimistic thoughts. But our minds are still in a primitive age and inclined to think of negative reviews more than positive ones. So, what do we do about it? The solution is to create another brain out of our brain: a brain that does the ‘storage’ work on paper, where you can dump out whatever is going on in your head and make your head empty once again. This process is called journaling. Having a separate paper brain outside will empty your head and allow you to control your thinking process by directing your thoughts in the way you want. Journaling is considered the most beneficial kind of writing. “Expressive writing”, often connected with journaling, is incredibly therapeutic. The study found that participants who wrote about traumatic, stressful, or emotional events were significantly less likely to get sick and were ultimately less seriously affected by trauma than their non-journaling counterparts. You can distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions if you consistently start seeing them on paper. Precisely, your conscious memory and RAM (just like a computer) should not be used to store the running thoughts; instead, they should be used to create new ideas.

Writing empties the conscious space so that much better work can be

undertaken by the mind, such as generating fresh ideas and thoughts.

Moreover, you can now see what’s going on more objectively. You can

distinguish if something is just a fearful, negative thought or if it is really

worth paying attention to all.

Journaling also makes you more grateful and happier because you can see all the good things happening in your life now.

What should you write in your journal?

What one should cover in one’s journal is as follows:

What are you grateful for regarding your previous day?

What are your specific accomplishments?

What are your particular desired areas of improvement?

What are the top five things you must do today to take your life

to the next level?

Journaling is a technique to bring happiness. Here is how it works:

Sit in a quiet place, and take twenty to thirty minutes to think about what you expect your life to be one, five, or ten years from now. Visualize a future for yourself in which everything has turned out the way that you’ve wanted. You have tried your best, worked hard, and achieved all your goals. Now, write down what you imagine. In a sense, this writing exercise puts your optimistic ‘muscles’ into practice. Even if thinking about the brightest future for yourself doesn’t come naturally at first, it may get there with time and training. Amazing things can come about as a result of writing. Also, researchers recommend a 20-minute replay exercise. He says writing for 20 minutes about a positive experience is a GREAT way to boost your happiness. I’ve told you many approaches to journaling, as I didn’t want you to limit what has worked for me only. Everyone is different, so you may prefer a different technique to express your thoughts and emotions. This journaling exercise aims to empty your head and help you see your thoughts and feelings from afar. Again, ten minutes of daily journaling will start to enhance the level of your clarity and bring a smile to your face. You become more focused and action-oriented since you can see clearly on paper and identify what matters and is worth ignoring. 

by Zahra