Giving Advice is not Advisable

 As human beings, we are always ready to be helpful, telling around what to do or our personal stories about how we do something, and it turns out all right. So by sharing our experiences, we advise friends and family on every occasion. It's second nature for some people to tell others what to do and choose even a simple scarf or dress. Darling green is your colour. You must wear green when you want to choose purple as we feel like wearing purple and that green 'advises' fill the wardrobe with three different greens. Life is full of bits of Advice or reviews about 'which school', 'what diet' or where to go and 'what to eat. Earlier, this Advice came from parents, friends, or dear old aunts in the neighbourhood, but now it is everywhere on social media or online shopping reviews. All this controls what we think, what we like, and who we are.

I have one central theme in my training: a counsellor giving Advice is not ethical, "You are not there to give a solution; Your job is to be empathic and listen. You have to be genuine". The person sitting opposite the seat asks you 'what you think about it and what you must do. Pause and repeat, of course, in your head boundaries, ethics And then, sorry, I am not here to tell you what to do. What do you think about it? Someone and something constantly probes us as the therapist, pushing us sometimes to say something, but hardcore training makes it firm. All those long essays we write and all those books we read, our tutors and supervisors make every effort and peel that layer off from us, and we always say we are not here to tell you what to do.

On the other hand, I am on the other side of the therapist's thoughts. I was feeling stressed, and I called everyone, and they told me I must see a therapist. They are trained and help you. So my idea of therapy was for someone to give me a tailor-made solution or a pill, and then everything became rosy, and my therapist asked me what I thought about it.

No one ever asks me what I think. My parents told me, do not to do it, or my teacher, 'Why don't you do this in that way? Then society, this is the norm, and this is not.

Ok, let me think …

Why are my eyes getting teary? What's wrong with me. Why am I crying about it? It's simple; just someone first time asks me what I think about it. It's not a big deal.

Why is the room so quiet…

Why is my therapist not saying anything? Where is the clock? Is time up? Can I run without saying goodbye and never return?

But …

What about the solution I need. Who will help me …

Oh, it's me who has to help myself. Why did someone never tell me about it? Its simple answer is in me, which is what I think about my issues, not someone else. So I sipped some water, looked up and said I needed to slow down and guess what I wanted, then what someone else told me to do.

Therapist, you look so calm, as if you have discovered something. Would you like to talk about it?

You just told me you must slow down. What do you mean by it…

You are beginning to be compassionate towards yourself. We are almost approaching the end. Why don't you tell me what you think of the self-care routine so you feel less stressed?

by Zahra