Authentic Relationships

 

Prioritizing Values over Ego and Cultivating Self-Respect for Deeper Connections

We often desire fulfilling relationships and friendships, secure our dream jobs, and become the partners, workers, parents, and citizens we aspire to be. However, problems arise when our ego drives us instead of our deepest values. For example, we may wish for others to willingly submit to our wants or cooperate, react to others rather than act in our long-term interests, and desire power over value in our close relationships. These ego-driven behaviours can cause our egos to become more significant than our values.

Our ego is a combination of how we prefer to think and feel about ourselves and how we want others to perceive us. It is a feeling of superiority over others and obstructs open-mindedness by rejecting other personalities and viewpoints. While self-respect involves maintaining our confidence and boundaries when mistreated, seeking favourable reactions from others is just the icing on the cake. We must focus on what we want to give rather than what we want to take to feel authentic. True self-value comes from the amount of value we create, and the same applies to self-respect. We need to give value and respect to others to receive it, as opposed to self-centred behaviour, where we prioritize our desires and wish to be treated well regardless of how we treat others.

When it comes to love, we often approach it from a self-centred perspective, thinking we have a hole inside that someone else must fill. This illusion makes us vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation as we seek lovers with tiny cups to fill our perceived "holes." People with big cups- a lot to give- tend to look for others with big cups so they can receive as much as they give. Those with small cups seek lovers with big holes who may settle for whatever little they can give. Therefore, big holes attract small cups, leading to self-abuse and abuse of others.

Examples of ego-driven behaviour in relationships:

• Wanting     to be right all the time and refusing to compromise in arguments
• Expecting     your partner to prioritize your needs above their own
• Feeling     threatened by your partner's successes or accomplishments
• Refusing     to apologize or take responsibility for your mistakes
• Comparing     your relationship to others and wanting to appear superior

Tips for prioritizing values over ego in relationships:

• Practice     active listening and try to understand your partner's perspective
• Be     willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you
• Celebrate     your partner's successes and accomplishments
• Take     responsibility for your actions and apologize when necessary
• Appreciate     the unique aspects of your relationship without comparing it to others

The importance of self-respect in relationships: 

Self-respect is crucial in maintaining healthy boundaries and relationships. It involves recognizing your worth and setting clear standards for how you want to be treated. Without self-respect, it's easy to fall into people-pleasing patterns or allow others to mistreat you, which can lead to resentment and unfulfilling relationships.

Authenticity in relationships: 

Being authentic in relationships means being true to yourself and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and values honestly. It involves being vulnerable and open to connection while setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Authenticity allows for deeper, more fulfilling connections, fostering trust and mutual respect between partners.

Challenges to authenticity and self-respect: 

It is essential to recognize that prioritizing values and authenticity in relationships can be challenging. Societal pressures, past experiences, and personal insecurities can all impact our ability to be authentic and set healthy boundaries. Therefore, practising self-reflection and seeking support from loved ones or a therapist is essential to overcome these challenges.

Overall, prioritizing values over ego, practising self-respect, and being authentic in relationships can lead to more fulfilling connections with others. By recognizing our worth and setting clear standards for how we want to be treated, we can cultivate more profound, meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. In conclusion, it's essential to prioritize our values over our ego, focus on what we can give, and seek authentic connections rather than filling perceived "holes." Genuine self-respect comes from giving value and respect to others, leading to fulfilling relationships and a more fulfilling life.

12 Unique Life Resolutions/Habits to Improve Your Life Today

 As we go through life, it's easy to fall into certain habits and routines that can hold us back from reaching our full potential. Of course, we all know that we should exercise more, eat healthier, and manage our finances better, but there are other habits that we can cultivate that can be just as valuable.

Here are 12 unique life resolutions/habits that can help you improve your life today:

1. Intentionally laugh every day - Laughter has been proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and exercise muscles. But, more importantly, it can change your outlook on life and bring you joy and hope. So make it a point to practice laughter daily, especially on tough days.
2. Practice solitude - Find time to be alone in quiet regularly. No books, no music, no outside voices. Just you alone with yourself. This habit can help you discover things about yourself you never knew and give you a better understanding of who you are.
3. Make gratitude a discipline - Express gratitude to someone or something each day. Gratitude refocuses our attention away from what we don't have and redirects it towards what we do. As a result, it naturally causes contentment and generosity to spring up in our lives.
4. Slow down - Take the time to slow down, whether while driving or in your daily activities. Life is not a race; by slowing oy the journey and being more present.
5. Fast one by slowing down day each month - Fasting has been practised in nearly every religious tradition, teaching us self-control, self-denial, and sacrifice. It can also heighten our senses and give us a better appreciation for the things we have.
6. Adopt a "Do it Now" mentality - Procrastination can result in unnecessary stress in our lives, so try to cultivate a habit of doing things right away instead of putting them off.
7. Eat more vegetables - Eating more vegetables is a simple and measurable approach to achieving weight loss goals. Additionally, it gives us more energy, more self-esteem, and more opportunity to fight off illness and disease.
8. Read classical books from different centuries - Books that have lasted centuries contain timeless human truths that can still apply today. Rediscovering how men and women approached life hundreds of years ago can give us a new perspective and help us grow.
9. Remove pornography - Pornography can limit our capacity to appreciate the natural world and its people. By sacrificing the temporal pleasure of pornography, we can live a life that can better appreciate the simple joys of the people and relationships around us.
10. Go to bed earlier - Changing just the first hour of your day changes the remaining 23, and the best way to change the first hour is to get a good night's sleep. In addition, going to bed earlier may surprise you with how it naturally benefits other areas of your life.
11. Give to a charity - Pick and donate to a cause you believe in. The act of giving can bring joy not only to yourself but to others as well. If you can spread that much joy by filling out a check, just imagine the joy you'll spread if you volunteer your time and talents.
12. Date your spouse - Take your spouse/partner on a date at least once a month. This can help you have fun, reconnect, and strengthen your union. It doesn't have to cost much, as plenty of low-cost or free date ideas exist.

These unique life resolutions/habits may not be mainstream, but they can be just as valuable in helping you live a life with full potential. 

Navigating Loneliness

 Loneliness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be caused by various factors. It is a state of mind characterized by isolation, emptiness, and a lack of social connections. Loneliness is not only an emotional state but also a social one, as it is often the result of a lack of social connections or a sense of belonging.

One of the most common causes of loneliness is social isolation. People who lack regular social interactions and connections with others may feel lonely. This can happen for various reasons, such as geographical distance, retirement, or losing a loved one. Social isolation can also be caused by mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, making it difficult for people to form and maintain relationships, leading to feelings of loneliness.

Another common cause of loneliness is grief and loss. Losing a loved one, whether through death or other means, can lead to feelings of loneliness. This is because the person may have been a source of emotional support and companionship, and their absence can leave a void in one's life.

Moving to a new place can also cause feelings of loneliness. Starting a new life in a new city or country can be challenging and may cause feelings of loneliness, especially if the person is leaving behind a close-knit community. This can happen when someone moves away for work or study or even if they relocate with their family.

Symptoms of loneliness can vary from person to person, but some common signs include the following:

Persistent feelings of sadness, isolation, or emptiness

Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping

Lack of interest in social activities

Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Managing loneliness can be challenging, but several strategies may help. Some effective methods include:

Building social connections: Joining a club, group, or class that aligns with your interests can be a great way to meet new people and form friendships. It's also essential to make an effort to maintain existing relationships, whether through regular phone calls, text messages, or social media.

Volunteer: Volunteering for causes you care about can be a great way to connect with others and feel a sense of purpose.

Online communities: There are many online communities and forums where people who feel lonely can connect with others who understand and can relate to their experiences.

Therapy: A therapist or counsellor can help you understand and cope with your loneliness and develop strategies for building connections and improving your relationships.

Self-care: Engaging in activities that promote well-being, such as getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and practising stress management techniques like mindfulness and yoga, can also help manage loneliness.

It is important to remember that loneliness is a normal emotion everyone experiences at some point. However, when it becomes chronic, it can harm our mental and physical health. Loneliness has been linked to various mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, as well as physical health issues, such as an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, it is essential to seek help from a mental health professional. There are many effective strategies for managing loneliness, and with the proper support, people can learn to build connections and improve their relationships.

Living Authentically

How to Break Free from Seeking Approval

Are you someone who constantly seeks approval from others? Do you need someone to push or tell you you can do it? If so, you're not alone. Many people struggle with the need for external validation, and it can be a challenging habit to break.

The need for approval can stem from various sources, including childhood experiences, cultural norms, and personal insecurities. In addition, it can manifest in different ways, such as constantly seeking validation from others, people pleasing, or avoiding disapproval at all costs.

While seeking approval can be beneficial in certain situations, such as building relationships or achieving career success, it can also be problematic when it becomes the sole motivator for our actions. If we constantly seek approval from others, we may lose touch with our values, principles, and goals. We may also become overwhelmed, overworked, and unable to refuse others' requests.

In this situation, taking a step back and evaluating why you seek approval is essential. Ask yourself questions like: What do I value? What keeps me awake at night? How do I prefer to spend my time? You can live a more fulfilling and authentic life by listening to what you genuinely want and aligning your actions with your values, principles, and goals.

Here are some tips for breaking the cycle of seeking approval:

First, be honest with yourself: When you take on a new commitment, evaluate whether you are doing it because it's right for you or because you want to gain approval and avoid disapproval.

Set boundaries: Learn to say no when a request doesn't align with your values or goals. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it's essential for living a more authentic life.

Practice self-care: Make time for yourself and prioritize activities that bring joy and fulfilment. Self-care can help you reconnect with yourself and your values.

Focus on intrinsic motivation: Instead of seeking external validation, focus on intrinsic motivation. Set meaningful goals for yourself and work towards them because they align with your values and principles, not because you want someone else's approval.

Seek support: Breaking the cycle of seeking approval can be challenging, and it's okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

In conclusion, seeking approval from others can be a challenging habit to break. Still, it's essential for living a more authentic and fulfilling life. By reflecting on your values, setting boundaries, and focusing on intrinsic motivation, you can break the cycle of seeking approval and living a life aligned with your true self.

Understanding and Managing Depression: Symptoms, Causes, and Tips

  

Depression is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people around the world. It is a complex condition that various factors, including genetics, environment, and life events, can cause.

Symptoms of depression can vary from person to person, but some common signs include the following:

• Persistent feelings of      sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness
• Loss of interest in      activities that were once enjoyed
• Changes in appetite or      weight
• Difficulty sleeping or      oversleeping
• Feelings of guilt or      worthlessness
• Difficulty concentrating      or making decisions
• Thoughts of suicide or      self-harm

Managing depression can be challenging, but several strategies may help. Some effective methods include:

• Therapy: Seeing a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, can help individuals understand their feelings and learn coping strategies.
• Medication: Antidepressant medication can be prescribed by a doctor or psychiatrist to help alleviate symptoms of depression.
• Exercise: Regular physical activity is an effective way to improve mood and decrease symptoms of depression.
• Social support: Talking to friends and loved ones about your feelings can help you feel less alone and more supported.
• Self-care: Engaging in activities that promote well-being, such as getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and practising stress management techniques like mindfulness and yoga, can also help manage depression.

It is important to remember that depression is a treatable condition, and seeking help is an essential step in recovery. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of depression, please reach out to a mental health professional or another trusted source for support.

Also, it is essential to note that depression should not be ignored or stigmatized. It is a severe health condition that requires proper care and is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. With the proper support and treatment, people with depression can lead fulfilling and happy lives.

Feelings of sadness, hopelessness and a lack of motivation characterize it. I have struggled with depression in my life. It began in my teenage years and has been a comes and goes ever since. At its worst, depression has made it difficult for me to get out of bed in the morning, find pleasure in things I used to enjoy and connect with others. It has also made me feel like I am a burden to those around me and not good enough.

Depression can have a variety of causes in life events. For me, it has been a combination of various factors. The symptoms of depression can vary from person to person. Still, common ones include persistent sadness or hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, and thoughts of suicide. People with depression may also experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and body aches.

Managing and coping with depression can be challenging, but several strategies can be helpful.

The most important thing is to seek professional help. A therapist or counsellor can help you develop coping strategies and provide support. Medication can also be effective in treating depression. Antidepressant medication can help balance brain chemistry and be used in conjunction with therapy.

Another critical strategy for managing depression is making lifestyle changes. Regular exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep can all help improve mood and energy levels. It is also essential to engage in activities that please you, such as hobbies or spending time with friends and family.

Lastly, it's essential to seek support from loved ones. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can be incredibly helpful. It's important to remember that depression is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It is a reality that can be treated, and being kind and compassionate towards yourself and others is essential.

In conclusion, depression is a severe mental health disorder affecting millions worldwide. It can have a variety of causes, including genetic predisposition, traumatic life events, and changes in brain chemistry. The symptoms of depression can vary from person to person. Still, common ones include persistent sadness or hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, and thoughts of suicide.

Managing and coping with depression can be challenging, but several strategies can be helpful. Seeking professional help, making lifestyle changes, engaging in activities that please you, and seeking support from loved ones are all essential steps in managing and coping with depression. Remembering to be kind and compassionate towards yourself and others is vital.

Orange Butterfly

"The orange butterfly is believed to carry the message that there is life after death and that death is but a transformation like that of the butterfly."

Grieving a loved one is the most challenging. Long ago, when I lost a baby and then a parent, I never thought I would choose to work in grief in the future. We lose our loved ones, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends or grandparents. Still, sometimes it doesn't hit that hard because we are not aware of the significance of that relationship. As a child, we have been told that they are in a good place, and we don't understand what a good place means and why they have to leave us and go to that good place. Long story short, I do not have a more profound emotional attachment with who passed earlier than the first death I remember, and it's always in my thoughts when my best friend lost her parent one after another.

I can see that emptiness in her eyes, her craving for that warmth, and her loneliness. I always try to be with her in the ups and downs of her life. But I can not fill that void of losing both parents at that tender age.

Time passed a little more, and I sailed through my life. Then the first whirlpool of my life was when I lost my baby in late pregnancy; it was a shock. After that, I could not express my feelings and was pushed to live everyday life with the same sentence. She is in a good place, and as a parent, I think, what !! A good place … why and how …

Finding in my thoughts what I have missed, how this happened etc. I still feel I missed that grieving part or suffering inside. And again, when I lost my father, I still grieved him even after 17 years. Some days it feels like I am healed and accepted it. There are some days when I think it doesn't happen, that loss is still in the denial phase, and then there are days and times to relive the story or just like it happened yesterday.

But now I work with grief every other day: a new loss, a pang of guilt, a wave of anger, either delayed grief or just happened a few weeks back. I stay with them in their pain and longing and listen to their stories and grief. I tell them they do not have to follow a to-do list provided by society or religion on how to grieve and what to do.

Just live in the moment, a day at a time. It's never too late or too soon in grief. I learned how to respect and live my relationships to the fullest; I may have some regrets, but still, so many moments to cherish. Grief is the price we pay for our love, and it will never dim down or go away. It stays there. We just build a life around it brick by brick every day.

Orange butterfly

Flying around the sun

Orange butterfly

Flying through the sky

Orange butterfly

Touching me softly

Dance with me

Float with the wind

Fly with the birds

Come to my side

Just for a moment

Touch me softly

Dance with me

Float with the wind

Fly with the birds

Just for a moment

Before you say goodbye

by Zahra

A poem about Grief and Bereavement expressing Loss and Death

Art of saying ‘NO.’

 

You learned how heavy our mind’s workload is; thousands of thoughts run through our heads every hour. In our journey to build a happier brain, we must consciously generate more optimistic thoughts. But our minds are still in a primitive age and inclined to think of negative reviews more than positive ones. So, what do we do about it? The solution is to create another brain out of our brain: a brain that does the ‘storage’ work on paper, where you can dump out whatever is going on in your head and make your head empty once again. This process is called journaling. Having a separate paper brain outside will empty your head and allow you to control your thinking process by directing your thoughts in the way you want. Journaling is considered the most beneficial kind of writing. “Expressive writing”, often connected with journaling, is incredibly therapeutic. The study found that participants who wrote about traumatic, stressful, or emotional events were significantly less likely to get sick and were ultimately less seriously affected by trauma than their non-journaling counterparts. You can distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions if you consistently start seeing them on paper. Precisely, your conscious memory and RAM (just like a computer) should not be used to store the running thoughts; instead, they should be used to create new ideas.

Writing empties the conscious space so that much better work can be

undertaken by the mind, such as generating fresh ideas and thoughts.

Moreover, you can now see what’s going on more objectively. You can

distinguish if something is just a fearful, negative thought or if it is really

worth paying attention to all.

Journaling also makes you more grateful and happier because you can see all the good things happening in your life now.

What should you write in your journal?

What one should cover in one’s journal is as follows:

What are you grateful for regarding your previous day?

What are your specific accomplishments?

What are your particular desired areas of improvement?

What are the top five things you must do today to take your life

to the next level?

Journaling is a technique to bring happiness. Here is how it works:

Sit in a quiet place, and take twenty to thirty minutes to think about what you expect your life to be one, five, or ten years from now. Visualize a future for yourself in which everything has turned out the way that you’ve wanted. You have tried your best, worked hard, and achieved all your goals. Now, write down what you imagine. In a sense, this writing exercise puts your optimistic ‘muscles’ into practice. Even if thinking about the brightest future for yourself doesn’t come naturally at first, it may get there with time and training. Amazing things can come about as a result of writing. Also, researchers recommend a 20-minute replay exercise. He says writing for 20 minutes about a positive experience is a GREAT way to boost your happiness. I’ve told you many approaches to journaling, as I didn’t want you to limit what has worked for me only. Everyone is different, so you may prefer a different technique to express your thoughts and emotions. This journaling exercise aims to empty your head and help you see your thoughts and feelings from afar. Again, ten minutes of daily journaling will start to enhance the level of your clarity and bring a smile to your face. You become more focused and action-oriented since you can see clearly on paper and identify what matters and is worth ignoring. 

by Zahra