Giving Advice is not Advisable

 As human beings, we are always ready to be helpful, telling around what to do or our personal stories about how we do something, and it turns out all right. So by sharing our experiences, we advise friends and family on every occasion. It's second nature for some people to tell others what to do and choose even a simple scarf or dress. Darling green is your colour. You must wear green when you want to choose purple as we feel like wearing purple and that green 'advises' fill the wardrobe with three different greens. Life is full of bits of Advice or reviews about 'which school', 'what diet' or where to go and 'what to eat. Earlier, this Advice came from parents, friends, or dear old aunts in the neighbourhood, but now it is everywhere on social media or online shopping reviews. All this controls what we think, what we like, and who we are.

I have one central theme in my training: a counsellor giving Advice is not ethical, "You are not there to give a solution; Your job is to be empathic and listen. You have to be genuine". The person sitting opposite the seat asks you 'what you think about it and what you must do. Pause and repeat, of course, in your head boundaries, ethics And then, sorry, I am not here to tell you what to do. What do you think about it? Someone and something constantly probes us as the therapist, pushing us sometimes to say something, but hardcore training makes it firm. All those long essays we write and all those books we read, our tutors and supervisors make every effort and peel that layer off from us, and we always say we are not here to tell you what to do.

On the other hand, I am on the other side of the therapist's thoughts. I was feeling stressed, and I called everyone, and they told me I must see a therapist. They are trained and help you. So my idea of therapy was for someone to give me a tailor-made solution or a pill, and then everything became rosy, and my therapist asked me what I thought about it.

No one ever asks me what I think. My parents told me, do not to do it, or my teacher, 'Why don't you do this in that way? Then society, this is the norm, and this is not.

Ok, let me think …

Why are my eyes getting teary? What's wrong with me. Why am I crying about it? It's simple; just someone first time asks me what I think about it. It's not a big deal.

Why is the room so quiet…

Why is my therapist not saying anything? Where is the clock? Is time up? Can I run without saying goodbye and never return?

But …

What about the solution I need. Who will help me …

Oh, it's me who has to help myself. Why did someone never tell me about it? Its simple answer is in me, which is what I think about my issues, not someone else. So I sipped some water, looked up and said I needed to slow down and guess what I wanted, then what someone else told me to do.

Therapist, you look so calm, as if you have discovered something. Would you like to talk about it?

You just told me you must slow down. What do you mean by it…

You are beginning to be compassionate towards yourself. We are almost approaching the end. Why don't you tell me what you think of the self-care routine so you feel less stressed?

by Zahra

Daily Gratitude Practice

 

First, gratitude is arguably essential in achieving a happy state of mind. The key is to start your day right. When you wake up,

THANK GOD for everything you've been blessed with. Count at least three things you are grateful for. First, you should be thankful that you woke up again this morning. Congratulate yourself and feel gratitude that you are again alive. You and I take this life for granted, but did you know many people did not wake up today? Now look at your loved ones, your family or friends; they, too, are alive. You didn't get any shocking calls from your loved ones in the middle of the night, which means that your family and close friends are all well. You can never take this precious life for granted when one person dies every two seconds. So, start feeling grateful for that. If you are reading this on an electronic device or can buy things using your computer and internet connection, you are way better off than most of the

population on the planet; this is something else to feel grateful for. However, let's be clear, at no stage does feeling grateful mean one should become complacent and lazy. No, we should always give our best yet accept that things will not always work out the way we want while always being grateful at every level, whether material, physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. "Consistently grateful People are happier, more energetic, more hopeful, and report experiencing more frequent positive emotions. It tends to be helpful, empathic, spiritual, religious, forgiving and less materialistic than others who have lessened exposure to gratitude. Happiness happens as soon as you practice gratitude. When you express gratitude, you can never be sad simultaneously.

People who are grateful might not be depressed, anxious or lonely. Research demonstrated that people who kept a weekly gratitude journal for ten weeks and noted only five things they were thankful for were significantly happier than those who didn't.

How can gratitude be made a part of everyday life?

Simple. It doesn't take more than two minutes. As you wake up, try to count three good things in life. They don't need to be massive; they can be even more minor things like good sleep, the comfy feeling of your bed, a cool breeze outside your window, or seeing your partner or kids sleeping and relaxed. These simple things could be reasons for feeling grateful or anything you feel good about. Some people use a gratitude journal, where they write a few things

they are most thankful for daily. You can write in it anywhere, in any simple notebook. Whether you think about it or write about it, the key is consistency. Write three to five things about which you are grateful every morning. During the day, look at the things that are going well in your life and feel thankful for them. It reinforces this habit. Do the same thing before going to sleep. This practice is a lifesaver, as everyone invariably does when you hit a rough patch. "If you aren't grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more?" ~Roy T. Bennett. Practice it, and you will start to attract abundance and joy in your life. The key is to sincerely thank you from the heart and with feelings. Try it out for yourself. Benefits of gratitude: Physical: Stronger immune systems, less bothered by aches and pains, lower blood pressure, exercise more and better care of their health, sleep longer, and feel refreshed upon waking. Psychological: Higher levels of positive emotions, more alertness, aliveness, and awareness, more joy and pleasure, and more optimism and happiness. Social: More helpful, generous, compassionate, forgiving, outgoing, less lonely and isolated.

by Zahra