Reconnecting with Your True Self

  Have you ever felt like you're just going through the motions, trapped in a cycle of routine and monotony? Perhaps you've convinced yourself that this is okay, yet confusion lingers. You might even find it hard to remember the last time you felt alive.

This feeling of disconnection is not uncommon, especially for those of us who grew up in environments where self-expression was stifled. Take the story of M, for example. Growing up in a large family, M learned to suppress his emotions. With so many voices vying for attention, he felt there wasn't enough space to express himself. Over time, this suppression turned into a habit, leading him to shut down emotionally and remain silent. As a result, his life became a series of automatic responses devoid of genuine passion or purpose.

However, as M took the time to reflect on his life, he came to a startling realization: something vital was missing. He couldn't quite identify when or how he had learned to numb his feelings, but he recognized that this habit prevented him from truly connecting with himself and forming deep relationships with others. This realization prompted M to ask himself some critical questions:

• What do I love unconditionally?
• What is my number-one accomplishment in life?
• What do I enjoy doing when no one is watching?
• What would my life look like if there was no such thing as fear and failure?

These questions are not just for M; they can resonate with anyone who feels disconnected from their true self. If you can relate to M's experience, you must recognize that you are not alone. Many individuals struggle with suppressing their emotions due to their upbringing or other life experiences. The good news is that it is entirely possible to reconnect with your feelings and live a more fulfilling life.

Steps to Reconnect with Your True Self

1. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is a powerful tool for self-discovery and emotional awareness. Take time each day to reflect on your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment. This practice can help you become more attuned to your emotions and understand how they influence your behaviour and decisions. Consider incorporating mindfulness meditation, breathing exercises, or simple moments of quiet reflection into your routine.

2. Journaling: Writing can be a vital outlet for your thoughts and feelings. Set aside a few minutes daily to jot down your emotions, experiences, and reflections. Journaling helps you process your emotions and provides clarity on your thoughts and goals. Consider exploring specific prompts, such as reflecting on what brings you joy or what dreams you've set aside.

3. Seek Support: There's no need to navigate this journey alone. Talking to a trusted friend or family member can offer a different perspective and comfort. If you find it challenging to process your emotions independently, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor. They can offer guidance and tools to help you work through feelings and reconnect with your true self.

4. Engage in Activities that Bring You Joy: Reconnecting with your true self often involves rediscovering what makes you happy. Make time for hobbies, sports, or activities that bring you joy. Whether painting, hiking, dancing, or cooking, find activities that allow you to express yourself freely. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and support your passions.

5. Explore Your Values: Reflect on your core values and what matters most. Understanding your values can serve as a guiding compass in your life, helping you make decisions that align with your true self. Consider creating a vision board or writing a list of your values to visualize what you aspire to be and do.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: As you embark on this journey of self-discovery, remember to be kind to yourself. Emotions can be messy, and feeling vulnerable as you navigate your feelings is okay. Embrace self-compassion and recognize that healing takes time. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remind yourself that it's okay to ask for help.

 Remember, there is always time to reconnect with your emotions and live a more fulfilling life. By reflecting on your feelings and seeking support, you can learn to live more authentically and find greater meaning. This journey is not a race; it is a personal exploration. Embrace the process, and take it one step at a time. Your true self is waiting to be discovered, and the more you nurture this connection, the more vibrant and meaningful your life will become.

Authentic Relationships

 

Prioritizing Values over Ego and Cultivating Self-Respect for Deeper Connections

We often desire fulfilling relationships and friendships, secure our dream jobs, and become the partners, workers, parents, and citizens we aspire to be. However, problems arise when our ego drives us instead of our deepest values. For example, we may wish for others to willingly submit to our wants or cooperate, react to others rather than act in our long-term interests, and desire power over value in our close relationships. These ego-driven behaviours can cause our egos to become more significant than our values.

Our ego is a combination of how we prefer to think and feel about ourselves and how we want others to perceive us. It is a feeling of superiority over others and obstructs open-mindedness by rejecting other personalities and viewpoints. While self-respect involves maintaining our confidence and boundaries when mistreated, seeking favourable reactions from others is just the icing on the cake. We must focus on what we want to give rather than what we want to take to feel authentic. True self-value comes from the amount of value we create, and the same applies to self-respect. We need to give value and respect to others to receive it, as opposed to self-centred behaviour, where we prioritize our desires and wish to be treated well regardless of how we treat others.

When it comes to love, we often approach it from a self-centred perspective, thinking we have a hole inside that someone else must fill. This illusion makes us vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation as we seek lovers with tiny cups to fill our perceived "holes." People with big cups- a lot to give- tend to look for others with big cups so they can receive as much as they give. Those with small cups seek lovers with big holes who may settle for whatever little they can give. Therefore, big holes attract small cups, leading to self-abuse and abuse of others.

Examples of ego-driven behaviour in relationships:

• Wanting     to be right all the time and refusing to compromise in arguments
• Expecting     your partner to prioritize your needs above their own
• Feeling     threatened by your partner's successes or accomplishments
• Refusing     to apologize or take responsibility for your mistakes
• Comparing     your relationship to others and wanting to appear superior

Tips for prioritizing values over ego in relationships:

• Practice     active listening and try to understand your partner's perspective
• Be     willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you
• Celebrate     your partner's successes and accomplishments
• Take     responsibility for your actions and apologize when necessary
• Appreciate     the unique aspects of your relationship without comparing it to others

The importance of self-respect in relationships: 

Self-respect is crucial in maintaining healthy boundaries and relationships. It involves recognizing your worth and setting clear standards for how you want to be treated. Without self-respect, it's easy to fall into people-pleasing patterns or allow others to mistreat you, which can lead to resentment and unfulfilling relationships.

Authenticity in relationships: 

Being authentic in relationships means being true to yourself and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and values honestly. It involves being vulnerable and open to connection while setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Authenticity allows for deeper, more fulfilling connections, fostering trust and mutual respect between partners.

Challenges to authenticity and self-respect: 

It is essential to recognize that prioritizing values and authenticity in relationships can be challenging. Societal pressures, past experiences, and personal insecurities can all impact our ability to be authentic and set healthy boundaries. Therefore, practising self-reflection and seeking support from loved ones or a therapist is essential to overcome these challenges.

Overall, prioritizing values over ego, practising self-respect, and being authentic in relationships can lead to more fulfilling connections with others. By recognizing our worth and setting clear standards for how we want to be treated, we can cultivate more profound, meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. In conclusion, it's essential to prioritize our values over our ego, focus on what we can give, and seek authentic connections rather than filling perceived "holes." Genuine self-respect comes from giving value and respect to others, leading to fulfilling relationships and a more fulfilling life.